my heart's a mess (and you're the cause)
by fairydust26
Summary: Buck is an idiot who is ruled by his heart. Buddie/Bessie Slash. I don't own anything.


**Author's Note:** this is a little a/u fic to 2x18 of 'what if eddie considered his family's offer of going back and buck heard about it'. Obviously, it has a happy ending. I don't like writing sad endings and very rarely do so, cause real life is tragic enough already. Anyhoo, onwards with the story.

**my heart's a mess (and you're the cause)**

Eventually, Buck heard it from Maddie. Who heard it heard it from Chim, who heard it from Hen, who heard it from Bobby, who heard it from Eddie himself. The youngest Buckley made sure to question Maddie thoroughly on where she got her news from because this was some serious, life-altering shit.

Eddie was moving back to Texas.

While this information made him feel like the earth tilted on its axis, Buck supposes he shouldn't really be surprised. After all, now that Shannon is gone, Eddie doesn't really have a reason to stick around Los Angeles anymore.

Half of him desperately wanted to believe that they got it wrong. That there was some big misunderstanding and he and Eddie would laugh about it over a couple of beers on Eddie's couch while Christopher sat between them, watching a movie.

The other half of him?

The other half of him was so damned enraged that he could punch the attractive brunette in his stupidly handsome face. Because at the end of the day - pushing aside the fact that he was hopelessly in love with the hazel-eyed man - Eddie is still his best friend and he at least thought the man would have decency to tell him if he was moving to another state.

Which is why he was avoiding Eddie with all of his might come the next day during their shift. And if he did happen to cross paths with the medic, he glared at him with every bit of his anger.

Come lunch time, it was a little harder to avoid Eddie as the whole of 118 ate together. Buck didn't want to go, but he also didn't want to answer questions from Chim and Hen as to why he missed lunch. That was a conversation he really didn't want to have right now. He wanted to be pissed and they would have found a way to make all of his anger simmer down.

Buck didn't want that. He wanted to be angry. Because if he wasn't angry, then he'd be hurt.

His plan to sit next to someone else at lunch backfired epically because the seat next to Eddie was open for him when he arrived at the table. The whole station knew about the pair for best friends that is practically glued to the hip and always sits together for meals.

The blonde's heart squeezed tightly in his chest. Buck made sure to avoid looking towards Eddie at any cost. Everytime Eddie attempted to start a conversation, Buck would talk to someone at the table. Anyone but Eddie.

The blonde knew that Eddie at quickly and then the brunette usually went downstairs to check on the trucks. It was part of his routine. So, Buck ate slowly so that he had an excuse to stay at the table when Eddie left.

That plan, too, backfired because Eddie didn't seem in any rush while he ate today. In fact, by the time it was only Hen that was left at the table with them, Eddie still show any sign of leaving. Buck decided then to quickly eat the rest of his food before Hen left and he would be left alone with Eddie.

When he finished, Eddie and Hen still eating, he stood from the table and walked over to the sink to help Bobby with the dishes. Out of the corner of his eye, Buck spotted Eddie walking over to him.

"Sorry, Bobby, but I gotta go." Was all explaination Buck gave the Captain before he made his way to the staircase.

"Hey Buck, wait up a second." Eddie called after him and Buck contemplated pretending not to hear him. Before the blonde could make up his mind, a firm and warm hand gripped his upper arm, pulling him to a halt. Heat shot through his body and his eyes widened. Damn, the medic is fast. Hazel eyes locked on baby blues. "Did I do something, or say something wrong?"

"No." Buck grunted, really wishing that Eddie would just leave him be and stop looking at him like a wounded puppy. Like he had any right to feel hurt by Buck's actions when he was keeping a huge fucking secret from him.

"What is wrong with you?" Eddie asked. His soft, confused and hurt voice grated away the last bit of Buck's patience and he ripped his arm out of Eddie's hand.

"Just stay out of my way, Diaz." Buck spat and shoved harshly past Eddie, leaving the common area completely, running down the stairs with lighting speed. Doing so, he missed the look of utter defeat that spread on Eddie's face.

Bobby, however, didn't.

"What's up with the two of you?" The Captain asked, not to be nosey but out of geniune concern. Things between the two men hasn't been this bad since the early days. Back when Eddie just started with the 118. And even then, Buck was never this hostile towards Eddie.

"I don't know, Cap." Eddie admitted honestly. "Things were fine when we left last night, but ever since I came in this morning he's been avoiding me and when I do see him, he looks at me like might actually hit me in the face."

It was silent between the two men while Bobby contemplated Eddie's words, Buck's attitude and tried to come up with a solution.

"Everything Buck does, everyone he cares about - his job, his family, his friends - he puts his whole heart into it. It's what makes him a great firefighter and an even greater friend, but Buck can also be an idiot." Bobby told the medic with a small smile. "Just remember that he is an idiot who is ruled by his heart."

Eddie didn't get what Bobby was trying to tell him. "I don't think I understand your point, Cap."

"There's no point, Eddie. It's just something you might want to take into consideration when you try to figure out why Buck is distancing himself from you." Bobby offered unhelpfully.

"Are you saying that it has something to do with his heart?" Eddie frowned, he was so freaking confused. Why couldn't Bobby just give him a straight answer?

"Possibly." Bobby acknowledged with a light shrug. "But you will never find out if you don't talk to him."

"What do think I've been trying to do all day, Cap?"

"Try harder." Bobby shrugged.

**9-1-1**

Eddie didn't have to try harder anymore, because that Saturday - after four days of unsucessfully trying to talk to Buck - the man himself showed up at his doorstep at seven in the morning. Christopher was still asleep, but Eddie wouldn't be surprised if the incessant knocking on the door woke his son.

Eddie's pulse spiked at the sight of the blonde haired man and for a moment, he felt self consious about the white t-shirt and grey sweatpants he was dressed in. Then he shoved that thought aside because it was ridiculous and Buck has never cared about what he wore.

"Buck." He said in surprise. He didn't expect the man to show up at his doorstep after avoiding and ignoring him practically the whole week. "What are you doing here?"

"I know I have no right to be here, because I've been an jerk, but I just wanted to tell you that you can't go." Buck rambled out all in one breath, looking like the weight of the world was just lifted from his shoulders.

Eddie, on the other hand, had no idea what the hell Buck was talking about. Last he checked, he wasn't going anywhere. Thus a confused, 'What?' slipped past his lips.

"You can't go back to Texas." Buck said, not resembling someone on the verge of a panic attack anymore, but rather someone that was close to begging.

"Buck-"

Buck cut the brunette man off, deciding that he might as well go all in now that he is here. "I know your family is here, but we're your family too, right?"

"Buck-"

The blonde ignored him once again, he just kept talking. "And Christopher is happy here and he has friends and to start all over again will be very distruptive for him."

"_Evan_." Eddie tried using his first name, but even that didn't work. All it did, was make Buck's breath hitch slightly and his voice crack as raw emotion and vulnerablity showed in his expressive eyes as he bared himself to Eddie.

Swallowing thickly, Buck continued. "And even if all of those reasons aren't enough for you not to leave, then you should know that I don't want you to go, either of you. I want you and Christopher to stay because I don't want to live my life without you in it."

"I'm not leaving." Eddie blurted, honestly not knowing how else to respond to everything Buck told him. It felt like a dream come true to have the blonde tell him all of these things.

For a second, Buck was stunned and couldn't speak. "Really?"

"Really." Eddie nodded. The amount of relief that slammed through Buck at Eddie's confirmation was almost enough to knock his legs from under him.

"But," Buck started with a confused frown. "-you told Cap you were going."

"No, I told Cap that I was considering it, but then I realised I couldn't even bring myself to start the process. Because, yeah, Shannon was my reason for moving here, but I found something else to keep me here. My job, my fire family." The brunette hesitated for a moment. "**_You_**."

"Me?" Buck echoed in disbelief.

Eddie nodded with bravado he didn't feel, no matter the fact that Buck practically told him that he loves him. "Yeah, you."

Buck's wide and happy grin made Eddie's knees quiver. Buck bit down on his bottom lip to try and get is cheek aching smile under control as he stepped closer to his best friend. "Well, that's good, because I want you to stay."

"You mentioned that." Eddie grinned teasingly, taking a step closer to Buck. Then a mischievous sparkle - that Buck didn't like one bit - entered the medic's eyes. "So, this is what's really been bugging you the last few days? Thinking that me and Christopher were leaving."

"Yes." The blonde grudgingly admitted, looking away as his cheeks enflamed. A low chuckle left Eddie. "This is not funny, I thought I was going to lose you two."

"I'm not laughing at that, I'm laughing because you are so cute." The brunette corrected him.

"Shut up," Buck frowned, an indignant expression on his face even as he reached for Eddie's hands. "I'm hot, not cute."

Eddie snorted in amusement, lacing their fingers as Buck pulled him flush against him. "Yeah, that too."

"You're not so bad yourself, you know?" Buck complimented, eyes darkening with want as his eyes flickered down to Eddie's lips. The brunette's eyes followed the blonde's example and the two men started leaning in, eyes closing automatically.

Right before their lips could touch, Eddie pulled back a few inches and opened his eyes to look at the blonde. There was something that Buck said that nagged at the back of his mind, a little voice that wouldn't quiet down before he adressed it.

"Hey Buck?" Eddie called softly.

"Yeah?" Buck answered, not opening his eyes.

"No matter what happens, you're not losing me and Chris. Ever." Eddie swore, his serious tone letting Buck know that he meant it.

"Good," Buck's voice was rough with want as he open his eyes before saying, "Cause I kind of love you."

"The feeling's mutual." Eddie murmured, their eyes fluttering shut once more.

And then everything vanished for a while as their lips pressed together right there in Eddie's doorway.


End file.
